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On Being A Good ManA man I used to work for once told me, in the midst of an extremely direct conversation, that he didn't think I had ever thought about what it was I wanted from life. Most people, he stated, never took the time to ask themselves what it was that they wanted to achieve, and then set out on a path to meet those goals. I agreed with that part of his premise, but found his assertion that I was one of those "most people" insulting. Still, I was listening. "I mean," he said, "what is it that you want out of life? Is it one million dollars? Two? Five million? Have you ever asked yourself that?" Screech!! Houston, we have a problem. As it happens, I am not one of those people who haven't thought long and hard about what they want out of life and how to achieve it. But I can tell you now --- with absolutely no reservations --- that I would rather be one of them, than to be someone who actually did ask themselves those questions, and deeply considered them, and then came up with a dollar figure as the answer. You see, I lost my mother to cancer when I was barely twenty. Up until that point, I guess I hadn't done a lot of thinking about what I wanted to achieve with my life. But losing a beloved parent is a hard, cold slap of reality for any young person. It makes you a member of an elite club, made up of people uncomfortably aware of their own mortality. It's not a club anyone wants to join, but one that gets thrust upon us all sooner or later. So I had occasion, at a young age, to examine my life in excruciating detail. I didn't like what I saw much, and I couldn't stop asking myself one question over and over: "How can I contribute to my mother's legacy? How can I be sure that her example is carried on?" The answer I arrived at was deceptively simple. I set myself a goal to become and remain an honorable and decent man. I began to imagine then, as I still do from time to time today, my own funeral. When I die, someday years from now, I hope that my family and friends will gather together. In a quiet moment, during a lull in conversation, I would very much like for someone to say "He was an honorable and decent man," and for heads to nod in agreement. In a way, realizing that moment is my life's work. And so I try to live my life in such a way that this may someday come true. I try to be worthy of the love and friendship that my wife has given me. I try to behave so that my kids will never have cause to feel shame over me. I try to conduct myself in such a way that my father will be able, when his time comes, to pass on without the weight of any worry or concern about me. And I try to demonstrate to all of my friends, to my colleagues, to the parents who entrust me with the training of their children in martial arts, that their trust in me is well placed. I have not always been successful in living as the man I know I'm capable of being. I have made many mistakes, and I have regrets. But I am proud of the goal I've set to be an honorable and decent man, and I am proud of the ongoing struggle to meet it. After all, things could always be worse... my life's goal could have a dollar sign next to it. Copyright (©) 2004-2009, Robert Conway. All rights reserved. |
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Personal Philosophy: Between stimulus and response, there lies a space. In these spaces lie your choices. In these choices lie your happiness and success. Want to talk about it? |
